Am I still in love with you?

AHHH! Hi there imaginary readers! Somethings telling me to blog about this e. I was not planing this, but it suddenly popped out of my mind. And I am posted with a question? 

Am I still in love with him? I can't seem to understand myself. 

I just don't understand myself anymore. I FEEL like I am over him. But I still care. I really do. 

Proofs that I care:

It was late at night, he told me may promblema daw sya, agad agad akong nag vib sakanya, even though my training ako early morning the following day, I still stayed up with him till 1am yata. 

Nung nagka-dengue siya, eto ako natataranta. I even stayed with him sa hospital nung walang nagbantay sakanya. 

I still open his e-class and his account sa portal to check his grades. @@ And I still make sermon pag may failing mark siya. 

Actually, madami pa e. Pero yan nalang muna. The point is I still care about him. I know caring and loving are two different things. Kaya may dagdag pa akong problema, I am confused. I dont know how to react e! 

Everybody knows we are friends. After the break up. Everybody was amazed because we still became friends, after 3 months I guess, we became friends again. And after a year, we became closer. :) Look at us now, we share our problems with each other, and talk about private matter with each other. He is  like a super close friend to me na. Eto yung confusing part, when he talks about other girls with me. Yung "Chix" thing. Everybody knows that naman. Mga guys mahilig sa chix. Pero siya kase, ngayon nalang ulit poporma sa babae. After the break up. (AY! Meron na pala syang ibang pinormahan, but it didn't work out e. Mga, 6 months after the break up yon.) Tapos ngayon meron nanaman. After a year. Pero 1 year na siyang walang girlfriend. Sooooo.. Ayon, parang ngayon, naghahanap na sya. And meron na siyang prospect. In fact kilala ko. Just an acquaintance, not naman close, pero kilala ko. Ewan ko! Di ko alam anong dapat kong maramdaman e! Parang di naman ako nasasaktan gaya ng dati. I really don't know. Parang wala lang naman saakin. Okay lang naman. Pero, parang awkward kase e. May something parin... 

AH BASTA! yun na yon. Di ko lang alam papano i-explain yung feeling na yon. Anjan parin kase kame para sa isa't isa e. Pero I can really see that he has completely moved on. Ako lang naman tong tatanga tanga dito e. @@ Ang gulo talaga. Pero thankful talaga ako for him kase, siya yung tumutulong saakin ngayon. Tapos, parang siya ung anjan palagi para saakin. Lalo na ngayong I am facing problems. I am really thankful to God for giving me a friend like him. Bihira ka kase makakita ng naghiwalay na tapos super magkaibigan pa after all. Lalo na sa situation namin. Kaya parang hirap ako. EWAN! Basta yun na!

Ayos na ako, nailabas ko na ang aking mga saloobin. 

Byeeee! :3 

#MissMarjj

Conversation (10/24/12)

M: Uyy, pag maghanap ka ba ng girlfriend, un ding maaalagaan ka tulad ng pagaalaga ko sayo or ung mas higit pa sa pagaalaga ko sayo. Wag din ung tinetake ka lang for granted! WEW. 

W: Mahirap, Marjj. Mahirap talaga maghanap ng ganyan. 

M: HAHAHA! Fina-flatter mo naman ako. :)) 


WAHAHA! Wala lang. :)) I just wanna blog this because I want to recall this someday. :)


*MissMarjj

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                Hi there!  So here’s the sitch. Kahapon, 09-23-12 was his mom’s birthday. It was a rainy Sunday afternoon. When my phone rang, it was “Tita sha”. When I answer the call, I heard a different voice. It was him. He was asking if I have eaten my lunch already. And I ask him back, why are you asking? Then he said its tita’s birthday and tita wants me to go with them on a lunch. Then I said that I would go with them. Then they fetch me and we went to a restaurant in Mercerdes I guess.

                When we arrived at the venue, they were ordering the food, and the kids were playing and I was there sitting with Wilbur. Then, Wilbur was borrowing something from his dad I guess it was a wireless charger for an iPhone. *NYALA!* Then we were talking and bla blabla… When he was about to return that charger thingy to his dad, I accidentally saw something in his phone, and his dad knew that I saw it. Ayooooon! Awkward moment, and then Wilbur smiled at me. And I was faking a smile also. HAHAHA! He was acting strange and looking at me as if he wants to read what’s on my mind. And the he started to explain about that picture that I saw. Then I said that I wasn’t asking for your explanation. “Break na nga tayo diba? Di na tayo. Kaya wag ka nang magexplain. DON’T BUY THE GUILT!” I was wondering why he was trying to explain himself. I really was asking myself why. And then his dad was laughing and I was also laughing. And suddenly, I realized that I am not hurt anymore. I didn’t feel even a slight sting. I don’t know, but maybe because I am used to this kind of pain already that I don’t feel it anymore, or maybe because, I finally accepted that fact about it already, the fact that, it’s really over between us. I really don’t know.

                Then we finished eating, and we got out of the resto, when we were on our way to their house, he told me that he was trying to explain because he doesn’t want to see me get hurt again because of him. He was trying to avoid me getting hurt. And then I told him, that it’s okay. And at the back of my mind, I was telling him that hurting me is just his natural habit. But no, I didn’t tell him that because I don’t really feel the pain anymore. And that I was trying to be strong, and I was trying to show him that I am not hurt anymore. And I just want to be happy with him that day. I don’t really understand myself anymore at this point. It is just so cloudy. And I don’t know. I am really confused about these feelings that I have right now. But the story didn’t end there. His mom invited me to have dinner with them together with his tita’s and tito’s families. And since I wasn’t really busy that day, and I can’t afford to say no to his mom. I said yes. Besides, I still want to be with them naman e. J So yon, we had dinner at Palmeras. And everything was calm and relaxed that time. We were laughing and having talks. Sayang nga lang I didn’t get the chance to have a picture with them. </3 Ahhhh. But yon, when we were happy naman. And then on our way home we were laughing still and enjoying the moment. As we arrived home, Wilbur was walking with me to the gate, then to our door. Tapos, I said na it’s better if he pass in the small front door, para di na sya maglakad ng malayo. Then when I was opening the door, I stopped for a while. I look at him in the eye. And we were so so so close. Then I opened the door. He left.

                After all that had happened that day, I can say that yes. I am happy that it all happened. But then, I didn’t feel any thrill. Or maybe I was denying it. AHH! Ewan. In time. All this will heal.  

Just the way it is

I’m just happy this way

**4 ka ba?

***Kase I love you 4ever!

Okay, I’m just so happy that we regained this friendship, but what if? What if we had more?

After the break up, I have learned a lot of things, discovered new stuffs, and of course realized a lot of things. I was wrong. I did a lot of mistakes when we were together. I acted weird and I didn’t know what I was doing. Insecurities killed the real me. And… I lost him. </3 Isang malaking sayang. . .

If given the chance that I’d be back in his arms again, this time it would be different! I’d be better. I’ll give him something new. Make him feel something better. I’ll make sure he’ll be happy. I’ll do my best to make things work and be the best, if not the BEST, I’ll be something he’ll never forget.

HAAAAH. Nakakapanghinayang lang na ngayong nahanap ko na ang sarili ko, wala na siya sa tabi ko. @@ At times, I have that strong urge na kung kaya ko lang talaga i-turn back ang time I would really change the way I acted dati. @@ I realized A LOT of things when we were apart. I realized that there’s more to life than just US. And kahit kame, we still have our individual lives. Chaka, Ok din ung nagpapa-MISS ka paminsan. HAHA! Basta, un na yon.

 I’m not saying that I am regretting the things that had happen, I’m just saying that it could have been better. We could have been stronger. We could have last longer.  

But then again, It's just the way it is. . . . Come on! I wanna work things out once more. I'm not closing any doors. And I can only avoid expectations, and just put my faith in God, that he does every little thing for a reason. Of that i'm sure! :) 

#MissMarjj

Movie night

OKAY.

Nanood kame ng THE MISTRESS with his mom and dad. Its been quite awhile since nagkita kame ng dad nea. T'was so unusual. Nakakahiya na nga e. But tita sharon was still the same. Nagkikita din naman kame every now and then. HAAAAYYYYY.. I miss the old days, peroooo. I just realize kanina na, I dont feel the pain anymore. or maybe because I am denying it. Pero parang I GOT USED to the pain to the point that it doesn't hurt me anymore. ORRR maybe I just started to accept the fact that it is really over. I really don't know. Dala na din siguro ng movie. @@

Natutuo din pala talaga ang mga tao. Nagbabago din ang lahat. Sanayan lang tlga ang kailangan. Ang dami na rin talagang ng bago. HAAYYYYY. Pero ang saya ko lang kanina. MASAYAAAAAA. MASAAAYAAAA. Kahit panandalian, naging masaya ako. KAHIT PANADALIAN, KAHIT PAMINSAN LANG. 


Its really hard to choose between what the mind and the heart is telling you. Yung feeling na, gusto mo na tlagang maglet go, but somethings telling you to hold on a little longer. AAAAAH. -_______- Nakakamatay. </3 

And oh! I forgot to mention na kanina, we often say the same exact words. kakatuwa nga e. and ung mga naiisip namen, somehow pareho. WALA LANG. I find it significant. HEEEEE. :> Waaaaaaaaaaah. OKAY/


At the end of the day, im just so happy that it all happened. :)


^MissMarjj

Septemeber 2012

Mago-one year na kame break, malapit na. PEROOOOO. Ang hirap parin talagang mag move on. Just this month, I took the courage to ask if its okay if we give it another try. Sadly, sabi nea gusto nea pang mag grow at ng SOMETHING NEW. OH MY GAAAAAAAAALLLLLY @@ Sakit man. Ok. Tanga na kung tanga, martyr na kung martyr. OK. Mahal ko e. Mahal ko parin sya. -____-

Text?

Converstion
(about school and grades)


W: Wala man ako nafail na subject e.
M: Ahh. Kala ko meh fail ka. Haha! Db? Nagsstalk kase ako sa mga grades mo e :)) Gamit ang eclass mo. :))
W: Okay lang. Ginagamit ko din ang account mo sa comlab. 
M: Ok lang din. HAHA! Lels. Nakikita ko grade mo. Waka, pangit tlga midterms.
W: Oo nga e.. Di kase ako nagseseryoso.. Ngyong 2nd year.. Tataasan ko na yan :))
M: Talaga lang ha? Ok lan yan. ;)) Basta seryoso yan! :)
W: Haha.. Oo. Yun na ang first priority ko
M: Na.. Pano pag nagkagirlf friend ka na? 
W: 2nd priority siya. Multi tasking. Haha
M: Loko ka! Cge, Aus yang ganyan!  hahaha!
W: (something something) Censored
M: Ahahaha! Yabang? ang yabang te? Malay mo magbalikan tayo. #dafug! =))))))
W: Hahaha! Gusto mo world war 3?
M: Ahaha! Tae ka! World war 3 or end of the world?
W: World war 3 lang.. di naman tayo ganun kagrabe magaway. :))
M: Ahaha! Nako! Modess na tayo ngayon. Pede na yun, Sobra na. :)) Hahah
W: Haha Napkin tayo?
M: Napkin agad? Pag modess napkin agad? Di ba puedeng ugali muna? hahaha
W: (something somthing)
M: Hahaha! Tae ka! Di ko gets.
W:hahaha! Di mo gets? Okay lang yan! :))

Wahahaha! Kakatuwa tong usapan na ito e ;))))))
KEBER MO YAN! -____- =)))))) Hello?! World war 3?
OA HA! =)))) Modess? :))) Napkin agad?

After some time...

     After some time, here we are again talking like we used to. Difference is, we're just two friends talking and asking each other's advice and sharing each other's thought and views. 

    Just this afternoon at around 5pm. I saw him with our high school friends, and I went to them. After having short talks, I went back to our college friends. Surprisingly, He didn't leave right away. So I took that time for us to update about each other's life...

     Chika to the max.. So you see, i've been going through stuffs right now. And I told him that. And It was like he was scolding me for those stupid decisions I've made. and yes, It's all my fault. Sooooo.. Ayon. Chika lang ng chika. :))) And then at some point of our conversation, we talked about this girl that he likes. And he jut got her number today! :) voallah! :)) I can say that it didn't really bother me anymore: him having a crush on someone else. I mean, we're over. And I think he deserves to be happy naman e. :) Thing is that I dont know who that girl is. :))) And ... Kating kati na akong malaman kung sino yon. OOOOHHH. but anyways, the group started to practice and I told him that I have to go. And then he left. :))))

      I'm happy that, we had this talk. :) I'm happy that he shares things like that to me. Even though we're not together anymore. I'm happy that he trusts me still. I'm happy because, I didn't expect it to turn out this way. It's really nice when you and your EX stays the same after the break up. only, you guys aren't lover anymore. I'm really happy because that bond that we have before didn't break. I'm just so happy. 

Ha! here's a picture of us while chatting a while ago. :))) 

Credits to Vivien Potencio and the rest of the gang. :)

*Ciao!